#Marriage

Precursor to that divorce….

Marriage is a Sacrifice; a Relationship between two Forgivers. That is to say that the adage, “Error is to human’, is applicable to singles as much as it is for marrieds. Error happens more in marriage because you are two strangers making a bed together.

That said, NO Marriage breaks overnight. The break goes through several stages…

***Honeymoon stage...

This is a wondrous time with love very tangible in the air. It is impossible to imagine that a wedge can come between them. It is a beautiful time indeed.

***Normal life stage.

___When reality begins to check in.

___What you see when there’s no wig or make up on the face.

___This is when you know a friend in your partner.

___This when the pepper someone has been eating for years is finding its way out.

___Here your patience, endurance, Love is put to work; someone knows where and how you can stink and still enjoy the blessing of God that addeth no sorrow.

1 Peter 4:8 NKJV And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 4:8 NLT Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

***Criticism Stage…

Handling weaknesses is still plausible, always making room for one another.

***Warfare stage…

You always do research on what next to use to better your partner, always making sure they are on top of their game. Oh yes, the zeal still burns for you to pray for them..

***Avoidance stage…

This is the day you lose what attracted you to one another, and you begin to kill your marriage.

This leads to emotional separation. No more connection

It once happened with another couple who quarrelled over salt in the food and ended up not talking to one another for two good months. Within these months, this man applied for a job and the day of interview was nigh. The man slept a little late preparing for the interview and wrote a letter to his wife saying, “Please wake me up at 5:30am so that I am not late for the interview”, then laid it next to her bedside. The woman saw it, read and replied at 5:30am saying, “It’s time to wake up, please don’t be late to go for the interview, Wake up!” She then carefully placed it at his bedside. The devil is a liar, the man enjoyed deep dream enclave only to wake up at 8:40am and the interview was at 7am. This is the day ‘intervention’ happened and they began talking again. “I told you to wake me up”, he blurted angrily. Then the wife retorted, “I woke you up by writing it in capital letters.” They ended up reconciling understanding that if they were in oneness, this opportunity would not have bypassed.

Therefore, always strive to make peace with all men.

God dwells where there is unity, joy and Praise.

True love drives away fear, shame and inferiority/superiority complex.

1 John 4:18 KJV There is no fear in Love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

***Separation stage…

When all manner of intervention fails, some couples move into separate bedrooms. Remember that does not happen in a blink of an eye but a gradual process whose roots must be addressed because the clock is ticking.

***Divorce.

It finally strikes midnight and many disastrous decisions are reached.

Will we turn the clock back, I am not so sure?

How about we work to stay in the normal stage?

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Standing tall…

Oftentimes, courtship is amaazing and we believe that all will be rosy when we tie the knot. However, marriage is the only institution where a certificate is issued before course completion. Essentially, the certificate is an invitation to put in the work.

That is what Ps Mark and Auntie Maureen Mukisa learned along the way. It is a story of love, patience, endurance, joys and perseverance. Talk about dealing with character differences… You may ask, “Don’t we all?” However, there is always a lesson to learn from every story.

It is worth the read…….

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What is marriage?

Kevin Shitsukane

Having walked these corridors coining several nuggets here and there, I am thankful to welcome Kevin Shitsukane as our guest contributor. Kevin comes with a wealth of knowledge on life, relationships, and Christian living. A resident and citizen of Nairobi, Kenya, a father, husband, minister of the Word, and dedicated insurance broker, he is here to grace us with knowledge overflowing. Please make welcome, Kevin Shitsukane……..

As a young man or woman, many will tell you this and that about marriage. Some swing to the extreme of either too good or too bad, depending on the background. However, many are in total oblivion of what this institution is or what it calls for.

Marriage is neither westernized nor africanized. Marriage is a Gift of God packaged as a generational Blessing.

Genesis 2:18 KJV — And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

It is a covenant between a mature man and a mature woman.

Marriage is not for Contract but for Destiny. That is why it is a Covenant relationship. Covenant relationship is mutual desire and drive to both give and receive for healthy growth.

Marriage is a Mystery, where you entrust your life and privacy to a stranger. Being ready to drop the name of your father and bear the name of your partner.

Ephesians 5:31 KJV For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Ephesians 5:32 KJV This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

You do not need a perfect marriage; you need a great marriage. There will be challenges in Marriage, but the fact that another’s marriage is not enjoyable does not qualify a judgment across-the-board that all marriages are bad.

Always remember, a headache is peculiar to the carrier. Make your own work and healthy through knowledge.

1 Peter 3:7 KJV Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

A marriage certificate at a wedding is simply a letter of invitation saying, “Welcome to Hard work.” No good marriage is picked on the streets. Every good Marriage has been tirelessly laboured upon.

That said, it is imperative to appreciate that men Think Deep but very slowly… Women think faster.

It was discovered that on the 29th week of a zygote who is boy in the womb, ‘something wipes his right hemisphere’. However, nothing happens for the girl child zygote. In scientific terms, male brains have more connections within each hemisphere, while female brains are more interconnected between  hemispheres (University of Pennsylvania). That is why females can multitask because they use both hemispheres.

Psychology will tell you that a man will MAXIMALLY speak 25,000 words in a day WHILE a Woman says a MINIMUM of 250,000words.

While these differences are the causes of several marriage headaches, it is they that spice it up when well appreciated.

What is marriage to you?

If it is a prison pit, you have the power to work it out.

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Spotlight on Mental Health with Molly Esther

The Unveil

This one is undoubtedly one of my favorite human beings. She is a multifaceted young promising lady that I adore and respect. I admire her sense of style, her love for her people and the fiery determination to push through difficulty and of course her will to achieve that is always punctuated with the numerous brilliant ideas she comes up with.

Her varied interests and passions are what make her such a fascinating person! I’ve had the privilege of watching her pursue her passions and her journey is one to watch!

She is my blood sister. And she is gracing out series today! Come on here, and let’s get to know about my baby sister, friend and hey, the vice president of my fan club!

Don’t forget to show her some love on the comments section before you leave.

Love,
Jael K.

How are you truly?

I am peaceful, happy…

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#Marriage

One woman is enough

One woman is all you need

Believing that my memory serves me right, I have seen a meme of the beauty of having more than one wife. From my point of view, having to share my husband with another woman is sacrilegious. I would not have it. In fact, several years back, two years into marriage, that almost threw a curve ball in our marriage. Thankfully, he sorted himself out.

One thing I have come to appreciate is that managing two women is not easy because women love quality time. Who are you going to starve at the expense of another? That is the start of chaos in your home. By the way, you will age because of that stress. Ask father Abraham, he will narrate.

The other thing is that having one woman, inspite of being the head of the house is discipline. Keeping a tight rope is no joke and those that have done it have mastered a high level of discipline. See, being disciplined is not for anyone but yourself because when you restrain you, you will have peace at night.

Imagine laying your head down and the thoughts literally cause you to jolt because you are wondering what will happen if your wife finds out about the side chic, or how you must look for school fees for the other children yet one source of income has trickled dry. Mehhnnnn, that is a lot of work that could drive you to your grave prematurely.

That is not to say that staying chaste is a walk in the park. However, when you think of the cost such as the chaos of dealing with different homes, cutting corners, dealing with angry women, but most importantly the spiritual weight of infidelity, you want to stay put.

Well, there is a choice to be made, what will yours be?

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It is not a boy/girl thing

Marriage is an amazing institution, one that is not supervised by any one in particular yet the whole world is and assessing you. In essence, it is not for boys or girls, in essence, age is not the issue here as many want to make it seem because one can be 50 yet still think like a 10 year old. And this issue is why many marriages fail.

When you decide to get married, you must decide to graduate to maturity. It is a decision no one can or will ever make for you. As such, there are some things you ought to do for the sake of your marriage.

Choose to prioritise your marriage: When you make the choice to get married or marry, putting your marriage first is none negotiable. That means all other things come after, even your leadership role at church or anywhere else for that matter.

Learn to be selfless: Marriage is not for selfish or self centered people. If you still want to think about yourself only, never thinking about what your decisions will do to your partner, then it is better to stay single.

Be ready to communicate: Many writers, authors and speakers have shared about the importance of communication in marriage or any relationship for that matter. Its importance cannot be underestimated. You must learn how to speak when you are hurt yet also be ready to listen when your spouse is speaking. It is about creating an atmosphere where there is freedom to speak about everything and anything. Be civilised enough to hold a civilised conversation even when the situation is tense so that without bickering, you reach a conclusion.

Sleep at home: When married, you sleep at home rather than sleeping around. You cannot be sleeping at your parents’ home today and then at your friends’ place the next day for no apparent reason.

Marriage, is indeed, a thing of the mature. Therefore, choose to grow up and save your marriage for those already there. In case you are hoping to get in, take time to mature up.

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Is he ready?

He needs to be groomed into his role.

Marriage is the only institution where you get a certificate before finishing the course. In that thread, often times, he is not ready for her but she is for him. It is a tough scenario and owing to that, we are faced with a marriage pandemic. Usually, the girl child is prepared for marriage; taught how to cook, reminded that she’ll one day take care of her own children. She is trained on how to take care of her home, that the man has to be respected and the like. On the flip side, the only thing men are told, summarily, is that they are going into marriage to be king and will be served by their wife.

Unfortunately, being a husband is never about being a boss but a serious call to leadership. So here is this young lady who has been polished for the marriage institution; reading books, and attending seminars on marriage getting married to a young man with the belief that he will lead her. Sadly, leadership is not in his vein, he lacks a clear vision; if he even has a sketch at all, cannot protect her and marriage is no where in his priorities.

He will definitely, fail her and the sad bit is that this lady could start blaming herself for the failures in marriage. Can we prepare our boys for the journey ahead as well? It takes two to make a meaningful marriage.